Mind the Words: Communicating Effectively in Relationships

Avoid Absolute Words - Using words like "never" and "always" during disagreements can damage meaningful communication and create unnecessary tension. For instance: Saying, "You always forget to buy me a gift" or "You never think about me" is typically inaccurate. Just because your spouse forgot something this time doesn’t mean they always or never do it. Such absolutes unfairly define your spouse by a single moment, making them feel unappreciated or attacked. These statements can close off communication because your spouse may begin to focus on disproving the claim rather than addressing the issue.

Olivia Jonah

3/14/20251 min read

boy singing on microphone with pop filter
boy singing on microphone with pop filter

The Power of Words

In our everyday conversations, especially with loved ones, the words we choose carry a lot of weight. When we express our feelings, particularly during disagreements, it’s essential to be mindful of the language used. Have you ever found yourself in a heated discussion, only to hear phrases like "you always do this" or "you never care about my feelings"? These statements, while they may seem harmless at the moment, can create invisible barriers that hinder effective communication.

Avoiding Absolutes

When we resort to absolute words during disagreements, we risk dismissing our partner’s positive actions and contributions. For example, saying, "you never think about me" can feel dismissive and may lead your partner to feel unappreciated. It’s crucial to remember that your spouse may have simply forgotten to buy a gift this time, but that doesn’t define their overall thoughtfulness or love. Using absolute language not only distorts reality but also tends to derail conversations from their intended purpose.

Building Meaningful Communication

Instead of using absolutes, try to focus on specific instances that address your feelings without placing blame. You might say, "I felt a little neglected when I didn’t receive a gift on my birthday." This method shifts the focus from accusatory language to expressing your feelings, fostering a more open dialogue. Your spouse is less likely to feel attacked and will be more inclined to understand your perspective. This approach leads to healthier discussions where both partners can engage and find solutions together. Remember, the goal is to resolve issues while maintaining respect for each other’s feelings.

In the end, the way we communicate during disagreements can lay the foundation for a stronger relationship. By avoiding absolute terms and choosing words thoughtfully, we can nurture an environment where love and understanding flourish. Communication is not just about conveying a message but also about building bridges rather than walls. So next time you find yourself in a disagreement, take a moment to reconsider your words. It can make all the difference!